There is no winter that is insurmountable, no spring that will not come.
there is a question on Zhihu:
"Why is there a growing sense of distance between adults?"
here is a highly liked answer:
"if you get too close, it's easy to have a grudge, and the relationship will break up."
Adult relationships are fragile, and sometimes a mere grudge can create an insurmountable gulf between the two sides.
through the ages, all the long-lasting friendships have always felt comfortable with each other.
and the most comfortable relationship between adults is often no relationship.
between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law: often give gifts, less contact
there is a good saying:
"there is a close relationship between husband and wife, and there is a blood relationship between parents and children, but the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can only be regarded as a social relationship."
consanguinity is born, intimate relationships are maintained by emotion, while social relations are managed attentively.
Jiajia's father-in-law died early, and her husband was brought up by her mother-in-law.
my husband felt that it was not easy for her mother to raise herself, and she could not bear to live alone, so she discussed with Jiajia to live with her mother after marriage.
Jia Jia also expressed her understanding and gladly agreed.
but in the actual relationship, there are all kinds of irreconcilable contradictions.
but my mother-in-law is a lively person who often invites relatives and friends to visit her house, which makes it impossible for Jiajia to write at all.
on weekends, Jiajia wants to eat out and eat something different.
but my mother-in-law said that the food outside was unhygienic and insisted that she eat at home.
usually go shopping online to buy more things, my mother-in-law will not like it.
the differences in lifestyle and concepts make it very difficult for the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to get along.
when the child was about to go to kindergarten, Jiajia rented a house near the kindergarten and moved away from her mother-in-law under the pretext of convenient transportation.
, Jiajia gradually reduced her contact with her mother-in-law.
but during the holidays, gifts will be carefully prepared for my mother-in-law, and my mother-in-law will happily accept them.
far away, the relationship is getting better and better, and the two have now become what their neighbors call "model mother-in-law and daughter-in-law".
the two most common problems in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are "too much to look out" and "high expectations".
the daughter-in-law has high expectations and has a vision for everything; her mother-in-law doesn't see it outside and has a hand in everything.
finally cooled the relationship and the hearts of the people.
Meng Fei said this sentence in the "New dating Conference":
"it is necessary to maintain two points in dealing with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law: the first is that elders should know how to keep a distance, and the second is that younger generations should always be polite."
he does not regard his mother-in-law as a mother or his daughter-in-law as a daughter.
less contact, more gifts, not a mother-daughter relationship is the way of wisdom.
Brothers: do not share wealth, settle accounts clearly
as the saying goes, "Brothers, settle accounts clearly."
the account of money must be calculated clearly.
this is especially true between brothers.
the slightest misarrangement of money will lead to antagonism.
sort out the disputes over money and avoid emotional consumption, so that the relationship between each other can be further improved.
have seen netizens
the husband is young and promising and has settled in a first-tier city, while the husband's brother works hard in his hometown.
considering that he made too little money in his hometown, the husband suggested his brother to do business with him.
the younger brother is responsible for processing in his hometown, and the husband is in charge of selling in the city.
the business of the two brothers is getting bigger and bigger, and at this time, problems also arise.
as the usual relationship is relatively good, at the beginning of the business, the two brothers did not clearly specify the distribution of income and expenditure of the account.
all are accessed directly from the account when needed.
because there is no unified standard, there is a contradiction between the two.
my younger brother lives in his hometown, the price level is relatively low, and the daily expenses are small.
while Cai Cai and her husband are in first-tier cities, all kinds of fees will be relatively higher, coupled with the fact that Cai Cai is now pregnant with a second child, there will be more daily running water.
after a long time, my younger brother began to be out of balance. he called and adopted the theory of his husband, and even said that he would run his own business separately.
there is a good saying in the movie Parasite:
"money is an iron that irons everything. It can iron out the estrangement between people and all the feelings in the world. "
many people think that talking about money between brothers will hurt their feelings.
but in fact, it hurts most if you don't talk about money.
the last debt that relatives can't owe is economic debt.
even if you are as close as a brother, put the account on the open side.
put the question of money straight to the point, so as not to let either party suffer losses, so that the family will become more and more harmonious.
between friends: less interference, no more work
as an old saying goes, "pay the plum blossom behind closed doors, regardless of the month before the court."
when friends get along, it is most taboo to have a hand in everything.
minding your own business will break the sense of division between people.
not interfering in other people's private affairs at will is respect for others.
people who really have high EQ know that familiarity is not out of line.Hold the right border.
Huang Yongyu is called a "ghost talent" in the painting world, and his paintings are lifelike and popular with the public.
he has a habit of setting a price before selling his paintings, and he won't change them after he has done so.
once, a rich businessman bought a painting from him. The rich businessman thought the price of the painting was a little high, so he asked Huang Yongyu if he could lower the price a little.
Huang Yongyu adhered to his principle of selling paintings and resolutely refused.
later, the rich businessman learned that Jin Yong was a good friend of Huang Yongyu and happened to have a good relationship with Jin Yong, so he asked Jin Yong to discuss with Huang Yongyu and sell the painting cheaply.
as a good friend, Jin Yong understands Huang Yongyu's principle of selling paintings without bargaining.
although he knows Huang Yongyu very well, he still feels that he can't interfere with his selling paintings at will.
if you come forward and intercede, it will not only embarrass him, but also affect the friendship between the two people.
as a result, Jin Yong directly rejected the rich businessman's request and advised him to hurry up to buy.
there is a saying in "Shi Lin Guang Ji warning maxim":
"everyone sweeps the snow in front of his own door, regardless of the frost on the tiles of others."
Life is a process of self-cultivation, and everyone has his own principles and boundaries.
the greatest stupidity of a person is to meddle in other people's affairs at will.
Don't interfere in things you shouldn't interfere with, no matter how close you are to others.
grasping the boundaries of getting along with each other and not embarrassing each other is the best protection for friendship and the most comfortable relationship for adults.
Bi Shumin once said:
"keeping a close distance may be the most appropriate way to communicate."
when we were young, we always thought that being inseparable was the right way to maintain a relationship.
do not realize that the relationship between people is like a string.
once it is too tight, it is easy to break; if it is too loose, it is impossible to play.
only by keeping the right distance can we complement each other and play a good melody.
the hidden rules of social interaction among adults are probably
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between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, make less contact, give more gifts, and learn to treat yourself as an "outsider";
Brothers can have more long-term exchanges only if they do not share wealth and settle accounts openly.
between friends, do not interfere, do not care about things, is the highest sense of division.
take care of yourself and others for the rest of your life.
Life has a long way to go. May you find a warm and comfortable home in the vast sea of people and harvest precious and long-term feelings.