A good marriage can not be separated from management, but also from wisdom.
I have heard a saying: "Marriage depends on courage, while marriage depends on wisdom."
Marriage is never an easy thing, and when two people live, there will inevitably be friction and conflict.
A good marriage can not be separated from management, but also from wisdom.
for women in marriage, no matter how good the relationship is, never do these three things for each other unless you want a divorce.
Don't do all the housework
data show that in 20% of families, women do all the housework; in 42% of families, women do most of the housework.
Marriage is the marriage of two people, and housework is the housework of two people.
when it comes to housework, women can't be too capable and take care of everything.
such a result will only make the other person enjoy your efforts as a matter of course, while you live a hard and tired life.
in a love program, there is a couple who have been married for more than 10 years.
as soon as the wife took the stage, she complained to the host about her sadness for so many years and her dissatisfaction with her husband.
when she first got married, the wife felt sorry for her husband that it was not easy for her husband to work outside, so she took the initiative to shoulder the burden of doing housework.
coupled with the fact that her husband is not good at housework and is often unhelpful, over time, she does all the housework by herself.
at first, the husband still felt guilty, but slowly he got used to it.
the dishes and chopsticks are not cleaned, the socks are not washed, and the children are not picked up, all counting on her.
the worst one was when my wife went on a business trip for a month and came home in a mess.
there are smelly trash cans, countless takeout boxes, and dirty clothes and socks.
and the first thing a husband says when he sees his wife is:
"you're back at last. Hurry up and wash my clothes. I have nothing to wear."
psychological counselor Luo Hong said:
A smart woman will show weakness, which is not incompetence, but a kind of wisdom that is strong but not strong.
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it is smart for your husband to find the feeling of "being needed" and "obligated" in marriage, so that he can find the feeling of "flower protector" in you.
housework is not the responsibility of one person, but the common obligation of both parties.
Smart women know how to "slack off" and let go properly, so that their partner can also participate in the housework and shoulder their due responsibilities.
A happy family is inseparable from efforts and efforts, and even more inseparable from the participation of men.
because home is not a haven for one person, it is a common harbor for two people.
and the husband's participation is the temperature of marriage.
Don't rush ahead of him in the affairs of his mother-in-law
Family and Family Therapy once said:
"A large family system consists of different subsystems, and the family boundary is the psychological boundary between these subsystems."
Marriage is not a matter for two people, but a matter for two families.
No matter how good the relationship between husband and wife is, we should keep sober and rational and put ourselves in a clear position in the handling of some things.
never rush ahead of your husband in the affairs of your mother-in-law.
otherwise, you will only be thankless, hurting your feelings and wronging yourself.
when I went back to my hometown some time ago, I saw the neighbor's little daughter coming back alone with the baby in her arms.
I remember that she had not been married for a few years, but it was strange that she went back to her mother's house without her husband.
later learned that she had a quarrel with her husband and went back to her mother's house in a fit of anger.
it turns out that a few days ago, her mother-in-law broke her leg accidentally while she was working.
although the operation was very successful, it broke my muscles and bones for a hundred days, and in the following days, I need someone to take special care of it.
my father-in-law is gone a long time ago, and my brother-in-law can't come back every day when he works in Beijing, so the task of taking care of her mother-in-law naturally falls to her and her husband.
considering that her husband had to work to earn money, but she didn't have a job, she took the initiative to do so.
however, she has children to take care of and an old man to take care of. Sometimes she is really too busy.
once the child fell ill and had a fever. She hurried to the hospital and forgot to prepare lunch for her mother-in-law.
as soon as she got out of the hospital, her brother-in-law called, accusing her of not even cooking and not wanting to take care of the elderly.
she felt aggrieved and called her husband to complain, but instead of comforting her, he said:
"you were supposed to take care of it, but now you complain, do you want me to resign?"
she was so angry that she made the move of carrying the child back to her mother's house.
when she returned to her mother's house, her mother told her this:
if you encounter such a thing again in the future, let your husband deal with it. Don't be too considerate of others.
it doesn't matter if your husband and brother-in-law can't get away from work. You can pay for a babysitter to take care of your mother-in-law.
sometimes we live too tired and aggrieved in our marriage, perhaps because we are not in the right place.
especially in the affairs of the mother-in-law, never rush ahead of your husband.
if you don't talk about your mother-in-law's affairs, don't interfere, and try your best to let your husband handle it.
if you handle it well, everyone will be happy; if you don't handle it well, he will bear the consequences.
keep a bowl of soup at a distance and keep your limits and boundaries, so that such a marriage can go more steadily and for a longer period of time.
Don't help easilyHe borrowed money
there is a question on the Internet: "is it normal that your husband asks you to borrow money from your mother's family and thinks it's all for you?"
among them, an anonymous user shared his story:
she said that after she had been married for three years, her husband had been out of work since he was laid off and used various excuses to escape.
the point is, they still have a mortgage to repay, nearly 10,000 a month.
but her husband has no source of income, so she depends on her alone to eat, drink and repay the loan.
her salary could not support such a large expenditure, so she repeatedly urged her husband to go out to look for a job and offered him two jobs.
but her husband doesn't like all kinds of things, either because private enterprises are irregular, or because foreign companies are under great pressure.
so he pressured her to go back to her mother's house to borrow money every day.
for some reason, her husband just thinks that her mother's family must have the money.
the original words are: "not much, only 500000, not all for you, for the sake of this family?"
even her husband encouraged her to borrow money from her uncle, because her uncle's family runs a factory and the conditions are better.
No matter whether it is the family of the mother or the uncle, no one has the money blown by the strong wind, and it is not easy for everyone to make money.
when her parents knew about it, they told her husband:
since you need money so much, you can go out and find a job, be a cook, deliver a takeout, run a Didi, whatever, the tree moves the dead.
this is a very realistic suggestion, but her husband refused and thought that her parents were insulting him as a college student and asked them to apologize.
the later story is that she went through the divorce formalities with her husband, and after that she felt that the whole world was better.
No one sends messages to urge her every day:
when can your mother raise 500000 yuan?
the loan will be repaid soon. Please arrange the money.
some people say that marriage is like a consensual cooperation, and the collapse of cooperation often begins with the collapse of the material foundation.
two people in a marriage can manage and maintain it with heart and love, not with money.
when you borrow money from your partner or ask your partner to help you borrow money, you overdraw not only your feelings, but also your trust.
if he really loves you, he won't have the heart to transfer his financial pressure to you, still less will he kidnap you morally, asking you to borrow money, overdraw credit cards, borrow online loans, and so on.
living for two people, the goal is to be down-to-earth and happy, not to take too much from one side.
A man who only reaches out to borrow money from you probably won't go far in such a marriage.
Marriage is a practice of two people. All giving, caring and thinking should be mutual.
because the relationship between two-way trips makes sense.
Paper Marriage says:
"when you decide to marry someone, it only takes a moment of courage to protect a marriage, but it takes a lifetime of effort."
Marriage is not a simple life between two people.
it is complex and trivial, which requires the efforts of two people as well as some sobriety and wisdom.
for everyone in a marriage, even if you love someone again, you should have your own bottom line and have what to do and what not to do.
the marriage of two people should not be the best and two-way efforts of one person in order to bear the ups and downs of life.
, may we all have the wisdom and ability to run a marriage.
Don't give too much, don't do everything, be measured, have boundaries, and live your life with an attitude.