To be a talker, you should not only use your mouth, but also use your heart.
Confucius said, "A gentleman is slow in words and quick in deeds."
when the water is deep, the flow is slow, and the precious words are late.
the way to speak is not to be eloquent, but to think carefully.
if you complain, say less
writer Ai Xiaoyang once told such a story.
in the past, there was a cafe near her house and the business was booming.
but later, the coffee shop owner unfortunately died of a sudden heart attack, leaving only the landlady to work hard.
when regular customers see her pitifully, they all want to help out and often bring friends to patronize her.
but after a while, these regular customers no longer visit.
at first, my wife would talk about her misfortune, and everyone understood.
but after a long time, she still said to everyone, "my husband is dead and business is not easy."... "
the people who take care of her business are on pins and needles.
in the end, there were fewer and fewer customers, and my wife couldn't make it, so she transferred the shop.
later, Ai Xiao Yang wrote in the article:
"everyone would like to see someone with a light on his face. Life is hard enough. If you want others to be with you, you can't be a medicine, but a candy. "
in the sea of life, there is no one without injury, and no one lives more easily than others.
words of reproach, soft words
have you found that many contradictions in life are due to exhortation in the wrong way?
when educating a child, criticizing in a ferocious tone will only make the child have a rebellious psychology.
when arguing with a loved one, picking out problems without mercy will only alienate each other.
it is obviously well-intentioned, but it makes the relationship between the two sides tense because they do not pay attention to the method of speaking.
people who can really talk will not only give help, but also take care of the dignity of others and try their best to make them feel comfortable.
during the Spring and Autumn period, Qi Jinggong, the king of Qi, got a BMW and couldn't put it down.
so he arranged for a groom to take care of the horse.
do not want to one day, the horse suddenly died of a sudden illness.
when Jing Gong learned this, he was very angry and must send someone to put the horse breeder to death.
seeing this, Qi Xiang Yanzi immediately stood up and asked Qi Jinggong for instructions:
"King, this man has committed a terrible crime, but it is a pity that he does not know what crime he has committed. Why don't you let the minister explain his guilt so that he can die willingly? "
when the public heard this, he thought it was reasonable and agreed.
then Yanzi came forward and said to the horse breeder:
"do you know that because you did not raise the horse well, the king was so angry?"
when people hear about this, they must think that the king loves horses more than lovers, so they complain.
princes will certainly despise our country when they hear about this.
in the end, it has led to unrest in the hearts and minds of the people and damage to the image of the country. what should you do with such serious consequences? "
after hearing this, Duke Qi Jinggong woke up.
Zeng Guofan once said: "to persuade people not to point to their faults, they must first be beautiful." If you like it, the language is easy to enter, but if you are angry, the language is difficult. "
when exhorting others, it is easy to incur resentment by pointing out his fault bluntly.
on the contrary, if you can tactfully say unpleasant advice, the other person will be in a happy mood, and you will naturally listen to your opinions.
learn to speak hard and softly, and leave a piece of decency for others, but also leave yourself a little leeway.
if you are in a hurry, speak slowly
anyone who has read the Strange Shuo knows that Tsai Kang-yong always speaks slowly and eloquently.
to this, he explained that the host industry, many places need to "slow down".
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slow down to have the opportunity to organize the language; slow down, it is not easy to make mistakes.
writer Zhang Jie shared one of his experiences.
A few years ago, he was so worried that he didn't sleep well for days and nights because he needed 50,000 yuan to buy a house.
by the day when the money is paid, all the relatives who should have borrowed it have borrowed it all over.
in desperation, he dialed the number of Xiao Lao Qin.
unexpectedly, before the words were finished, Old Qin mercilessly interrupted himself, saying bluntly that it was not convenient for him now.
Zhang was furious when he heard this:
"how can it be inconvenient for you to borrow money from you once? I didn't hesitate to help you when you were in trouble before. It seems that the relationship of the past ten years is not worth fifty thousand yuan! "
then hang up the phone with a bang.
when Zhang Jie was angry and restless, he received a phone call from Old Qin:
"as soon as I stopped, I was accidentally wiped by the car next to me, so I got out of the car and communicated with each other for a while. The money has already been called to you. Is there any delay? "
later, Zhang different said in the article:
"because I spoke so quickly, I almost lost a friendship.
as the saying goes, a gentleman speaks carefully, but a gentleman speaks late.
learn to speak slowly and give yourself some time to clarify the organization and maintain the relationship.
hurtful words, don't say
language, yesThere's a temperature.
A considerate word can make people feel like a spring breeze.
A sarcastic remark can make people feel like ice.
when she was 11 years old, Bi Shumin took part in the school singing competition.
during a rehearsal, Bi Shumin was satirized by the music teacher in front of the whole class because her singing was out of tune.
"A rat shit spoiled a pot of soup, and now I've removed you."
Bi Shumin could not accept the sudden blow and walked out of the classroom with shame.
then the teacher came to her again and said impatiently:
"how did you grow so tall at such a young age?"
the implication is that Bi Shumin's height destroys the formation.
since then, Bi Shumin "can't help but bow her neck and collapse her waist."
later, for the sake of overall coordination, Bi Shumin was asked to stand back in the competition team and act as a puppet who only opened her mouth and was silent.
many years later, Bi Shumin has become a well-known writer, still can not forget this once hurt, very taboo singing.
our hearts are actually like a wooden stake.
hurtful words are like a nail.
for every hurtful word, a nail will be hammered into someone else's stake.
communicate with others and never say hurtful words.
because no matter how good the relationship is, it can't stand the repeated test of hurtful words.
truly mature people all know how to swallow what they should not say in time, not lightly, not slanderously.
writer Wang Meng once said: "whether a person has a level or not is mainly manifested in speaking."
every word is a reflection of the level of human intelligence.
be a talker, not only with your mouth, but also with your heart.
say less complaints, soft words of reproach, slow words of anxiety, and no hurtful words.
this book is published under authorization.