The highest level of adult self-discipline: managing emotions
The highest level of adult self-discipline: managing emotions
May you be the master of your emotions and be truly happy.


there is a question on Zhihu: "what do you think is the most important ability?"

in almost all answers, one item is mentioned: the ability to control emotions.

people who follow us like a shadow and know how to control their emotions are actually half successful.

people who are really capable will not be slaves to emotions, but masters of emotions.

people who are not impatient and calm when things happen, who do things in a down-to-earth manner and match words with deeds, are the masters of life.

in the end, you have to pay for all the bad emotions.

there is a kind of vampire bat on the African prairie, they specialize in sucking the blood of wild horses, and the wild horses can not get rid of them, resulting in many wild horses being tortured to death.

but in fact, bats do not suck enough blood to kill Mustangs.

the real cause of death of Mustangs is their own overreaction when bats feed on blood, and their fury and galloping lead to their death.

some time ago, one

# woman impulsively and angrily hit her neighbor's BMW #

is a true portrayal of this effect.

at noon one day, Sister Yuan from Cao County, Shandong Province, went to the storeroom to pick up cooking ingredients.

when I went downstairs, I found that the door of the storeroom was blocked by a car, which made it very inconvenient for me to get in and out.

she was furious and angrily picked up pebbles from the side of the road, scratched at the front hood of the car, and even broke the front windshield of the car.

after being found by the police, it was found that the loss value of the car reached tens of thousands of yuan, which has constituted the crime of intentional damage to property.

at this time, Sister Yuan woke up and made a big mistake.

and she was even more remorseful when she learned that her actions would affect the job search of her two children who were about to graduate from college.

Sister Yuan burst into tears and apologized, "I really knew I was wrong."

Liang Shiqiu once said:


when the blood is boiling, the reason is not very clear, words and deeds are easy to exceed points, and it is not suitable for others and for themselves.


once emotions are allowed to run rampant, people will be reduced to emotional animals and lose the ability to think rationally.

in this case, people may make many mistakes with incalculable consequences.

my momentary impulse will eventually be made up for by a lifetime of remorse.

I have heard such a story:

A father asked his angry child to do something. Whenever he was angry, he hammered a nail into the fence.

soon the nails were hammered all over the fence, and his father told him to take down one if he was not angry all day.

over time, all the nails were removed, but the marks left were there all the time.

as the saying goes, "good words are warm in three winters, but evil words hurt people in June."

when we inadvertently fail to control our emotions, we may leave "nail marks" in the hearts of those close to us.

it takes only a moment for bad words to hurt people, but it takes a lot of comfort and cure.

you are the last person to pay for all the bad moods.

you can control your emotions before you can control your life

there is an interesting story about Ji Xianlin, a master of Sinology.

Mr. Ji Xianlin dined with Zang Kejia in a restaurant.

A little boy was playing by and accidentally fell down.

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Ji Xianlin helped him up, but the child's mother thought he had knocked down her child, so she began to add bad words.

however, Ji Xianlin did not argue, did not get angry, and let the child's mother vent his feelings.

it was not until the people around them could no longer watch and began to speak for Ji Xianlin that the matter was solved.

, Zang Kejia asked him why he didn't argue, and Ji Xianlin just smiled and replied:

"Why do you argue about things that are obvious to all and disturb your mood?"

the demeanor of a generation of Sinology masters has sprung up on paper ever since.

"anger can not be taken, joy can not be given" is the way of self-cultivation put forward by Xunzi, which tells us that our judgment should not be affected by emotion.

"not happy with things, not sad with oneself" is the supreme state pursued by Fan Zhongyan, which tells us that emotional stability is a kind of realization of self-value.

Zeng Guofan has always been talked about by people for his strong ability to control emotions.

"it is better to do things quickly than to think, and the intention is not as good as peace of mind." this has always been a strict requirement of himself.

even though he has made great achievements, he has never been carried away by such exploits, but always deals with everything calmly and with restraint.

his personality is shown incisively and vividly in an anecdote.

Zeng Guofan's four-lift sedan chair and an official's eight-lift sedan chair met in an alley.

the official saw that he was carrying the sedan chair four times and thought that the status of the other party was lower than his own, so he asked the sedan man to pull Zeng Guofan out of the sedan chair and slapped him in the face.

but later found out that the other party was Zeng Guofan, hurriedly got out of the sedan chair and kowtowed to apologize.

however, instead of getting angry, Zeng Guofan helped him up with a smile.

when he encountered something bad, Zeng Guofan chose to laugh it off.

this not only wins the favor of others, but also reduces unnecessary conflicts.

thus save yourself time and energy, and be able to deal with more and more important.Things.

Great things can only be achieved if they don't stick to trivialities.

whether Ji Xianlin or Zeng Guofan, it is their ability to control emotions that has created their noble personality and made them famous in history.

avoid extreme emotions and achieve emotional freedom

correct understanding of emotion is the first step to achieve emotion control.

there is a poisonous chicken soup that is regarded as the standard: in the adult world, it is high time to give up the mood.

this is an excessive stigmatization of emotions, regarding emotions as scourges and trying to use reason to suppress our instinctive emotions.

on the surface, this makes us "quiet" adults, but in fact it is just a camel short of a deadly straw.

there is a very popular word on the Internet recently, called "emotional freedom".

is that we should not be the slave of emotion, but the master of emotion.

while mastering emotions, it is never to suppress emotions.

in the wonderful work, Zhan Qingyun's point of view is even more to the point:

"the most important emotion management is to believe that no emotion should be wrong."

it is better to have a traffic jam than to relax. We should realize that it is normal to have emotions.

as Cai Kangyong said, "admit that you are an emotional person, and also admit that others are emotional people."

what we need to do is to reconcile with normal emotions; what we need to avoid is that we are controlled by extreme emotions.

if it is also difficult for you to get along with your own extreme emotions, I suggest you take a look at the following ways:

Twelve-second principle

when we are angry, this kind of anger often lasts only 12 seconds, and through these 12 seconds, the mood can be relieved.

at every impulse, consciously remind yourself to count 12 seconds in silence.

this can effectively help us reduce the mistakes caused by impulse.

"28 laws of emotion"

80% of any anger is based on ordinary accumulation, and only 20% is the thing itself.

therefore, we should pay attention to reasonable venting at ordinary times.

when you encounter unpleasant things in your work, study, or life, you can communicate with the people around you in time. You can also meditate regularly, or go out to relax.

without that 80% accumulation, there would be no anger caused by that 20%.

think of others

the daughter of John Weill, manager of France's Mulan Brothers, is so rebellious that he is nerve-racking.

one day he saw his daughter kissing a boy and he was furious.

so he decided to calm down and communicate with his daughter.

Let's imagine that if will had not been considerate of others and communicated with his daughter, his anger would have hurt her, perhaps with irreparable consequences.

We will encounter similar situations in our lives, when it is very important to be considerate of others.

We can communicate with each other in time like will, or we can calm down and think about why they did it.

when you understand each other's feelings, your emotions dissipate.

Anthony Robbins, a famous American psychologist, once said:

"the secret of success is to know how to control the power of pain and happiness without being countered by it."

when we achieve emotional freedom, take a look at the world.

will find that there are not so many negative emotions in life, and there are not so many things that make us impulsive.

Managing emotions brings not only peace of mind, but also a positive attitude towards life and a new perspective on yourself and the world.

, may you be the master of emotions and be truly happy.