May you and I pass on to our children the strength to grow upward.
the white paper on the current situation of Family Education in China shows that
in family education, the role advantage of father is even higher than that of mother in some aspects.
the role of father has an irreplaceable influence on children's study, character, emotion, quality, physique and so on.
if you think about it, it is true.
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the fact that the child is not good is closely related to the father's character.
A lazy father cannot raise a self-disciplined child
once watched an interview video: an 11-year-old boy in Zhejiang was so angry by his father that he ran away from home.
the boy complained to his father with a cry: "every day you know to let me study, but the whole family does not study on your own, and still plays with your mobile phone." Have you ever learned it yourself? "
it turns out that the boy's father came home every day, holding his cell phone, either browsing Douyin or playing games, doing nothing at home and GE you lying all day.
want Dad to play with him for a while, Dad always perfunctory: "busy, not free."
when he saw his father playing with his cell phone, he wanted to play, but his father didn't allow it and said he would beat him.
the more he thought about it, the angrier he became, so he made an excuse to go out and simply ran away from home.
in fact, there are not a few fathers like this in life:
ask the child not to look at the phone and hold the phone all the time.
complain about children's procrastination and dawdling, but how comfortable they are.
accuse children of not being self-disciplined, but they muddle along every day.
do not realize that children follow the rhythm of adults.
it is difficult for a lazy father to raise a self-disciplined child.
it is said that parents are the mirror of their children and children are the shadow of their parents.
although the child is young, he will capture all his father's words and deeds.
fathers are lazy, indulge themselves and raise their children, and their children will become lazy and undisciplined.
when I was a child, I was procrastinating, easy to give up halfway, unwilling to take the initiative to learn, and obviously lack of self-control.
when you grow up, you will flinch in the face of difficulties, collapse automatically in the face of pressure, and lack the willpower to resist temptation.
go on like this, while complaining that life is becoming more and more difficult, while fooling around with time.
according to a survey:
30% of college students think that they are simply a replica of their father;
50% of college students think that their father's image and interests have a great influence on them.
60% of college students think that their father's exemplary role has a great influence on why they are excellent.
A child with excellent self-discipline is surrounded by a father with strong self-control.
A grumpy father cannot raise a confident child
someone in Zhihu once asked: what is the experience of having an irascible father?
there is a piercing answer: such a father is undoubtedly destroying the future of his children.
Li Bo, an education expert, once wrote about his uncle in his sixties.
Uncle's old father is over eighty and is still alive, but he seldom goes to see his old father.
people who don't know why think that the uncle is impersonal: "the old father is over 80, and you can see him a few times."
the old man said in tears, "I'd rather stay away from him in my life, even if I give him more money."
he clearly remembers that from the age of 3 or 4, his father used to yell, beat and scold, and slam the door because of trifles.
the meal fell on the clothes, and the slap came in the face.
because I don't like eating green vegetables, I kicked it.
even if he didn't do anything wrong, he will certainly take it out on him as long as he is present.
until he was 16, the uncle left home.
the old man said that he seemed to be in the center of the storm: "including later when I got married, he came to pick on me, making the family restless!"
Uncle recalls his life without regret and resentment:
"I didn't accomplish anything in my life because I was afraid of being beaten and scolded by my father. I lost my courage. When I encountered something, I trembled and lost my temper. I panicked first.
people say I have talent, but I don't have the courage. What's the use of talent? can I not hate him? "
instead of beating and scolding an excellent child, the irascible father beat a child more and more depressed and dared not come near him for the rest of his life.
writer Yin Jianli once said: "if you lose one-third of your temper with your child, it will cause seven percent harm to your child."
Dad is angry in everything at home, and the child is careful at home.
in the long run, children are unwilling to communicate with their father, or even run away from their father, lest they should be criticized and scolded for making a mistake.
in such a parent-child relationship, the child's internal friction is serious, and his heart is already scarred if he doesn't talk about it.
gradually become timid and cowardly, like treading on thin ice, even if you grow up and go to society is submissive and cautious.
there is a psychological concept called "native inferiority":
usually occurs in childhood. The inferiority complex caused by long-term blow and negation in the original family will seriously damage the child's sense of security, resulting in an extreme lack of well-being in life.
very often, a father is unaware of his child's heart, but it has become a painful memory of his child's life.
in fact, when every child comes into this world, it is just a blank piece of paper.
the father's bad character makes the future of the child a dark background.
A strong father cannot raise a self-supporting child
Wu Zhihong, a psychological consultant, once told the story of a visitor.
A 27-year-old man in Wuhan lives at home every day, eating instant noodles, playing games, not working and not socializing.
through psychological counseling, it is found that the problem lies with the father who died three years ago.
his father is a very strong man who interferes no matter what he does from an early age.
for example, choosing an interest class, making friends, applying for school and choosing a job are all up to the father.
fathers think this is the best choice for their children.
in adulthood, he also worked, but he never did it for long.
later, when his father died suddenly, he was in a daze and lost his way and lived the way he is now.
writer Albert Hubbard once said: "when parents do too much for their children, children will not do too much for themselves."
as a matter of fact, it is possible to worry about children everywhere and make decisions for them all the time, but not all the time.
once a child who lacks independence leaves the shelter, it is like:
the fish will wither when they leave the water, but the birds will lose their wings when they break their wings.
instead of overcontrolling the child's life, it is better to teach the child to stand on his own feet.
the favorite thing in the hit drama "Pi 2" is Lin Dawei, a Buddhist father.
Lin Miaomiao was chased by her mother to take the postgraduate entrance examination. Lin Dawei did not force his daughter to take the postgraduate entrance examination, but also subsidized her to rent a house outside the school and draw pictures, encouraging her to develop in areas she likes and is good at.
the daughter likes to draw, and the mother is afraid of affecting her study, so Lin Dawei takes the children to draw together, and relieves his wife to give the children space, "support the children's freedom, find poetry and distance."
when her daughter lost her job, she felt very depressed and humiliated. Lin Dawei told her, "everyone has their own advantages and disadvantages. The most important thing is not to belittle yourself. Just make your own decision."
Lin Dawei loves his daughter very much, and unlike his mother, he does not take care of everything in great detail, but gives guidance like a beacon, allowing children to feel, think, and understand.
because of her father, Lin Miaomiao brought her own little sun and was more optimistic, cheerful and independent than her peers.
when she grew up, she became a journalist with a sense of justice, trying to spread positive energy, living a wild life, independent and confident.
everyone's growth is traceable.
in many families, fathers are accustomed to saying the same thing, boasting about their children and deprecating them against them.
No matter what you do, if you don't respect your child's ideas, you must let your child do it according to his own will.
do not realize that a strong father cannot raise an independent child.
because a child who has not been inspired to be independent is like a marionette who neither dares to speak nor dare to move.
Children who are unable to stand on their own feet will follow the trend all their lives, drift with the tide and pay for their father's strength.
what is more important than controlling your child's life is to try to take a step back from the child's life, give the child room to stand on his own feet, and allow the child to grow up at his own pace.
writer Jia Pingwa once wrote poetically in Father:
"when it's hazy, Father, it's a big mountain. Sitting on his shoulder, you can always see far, far away. "
Father is the starting point of shaping the quality of children, the foundation of their future life, and the embryonic form of their life value.
A gentle father ignites his child's self-confidence;
A strong father guides his children to stand on their own feet.
if there is a father with his own light in the family, the child will naturally chase the light.
A fight between parents and children is a deep fate, and children's road to adulthood is also our own way of growing up.
May you and I pass on to our children the strength to grow upward.
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