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there is a saying in the Book of Rites: "Father and son Benedict, brother harmony, husband and wife, the fat of the family."

the best feng shui for a family lies not in food and clothing, but in trying to work together and think in the same place.

Father and son have deep feelings, husband and wife understand each other, the whole family is of one heart and one mind, and the family will prosper.

do not blame parents

there is a saying in Zhu Zi's Family motto: "valuing wealth, neglecting parents, and not becoming a son."

if a person has only interests in his eyes and is picky about his parents, he will lose his qualification to be a child.

in the TV series "Happy Family", Fang Yongfu, a single father, brought up his three children by relying on a noodle shop.

"do you know how many people in the hospital are worse than me?

they rely on their parents, and they don't have to be afraid of anything when they go out, but I work harder than them, just because they have a background, and I will always be the son of a noodle seller in their eyes, so I can only put up with it! "

in the face of the accusation, the old father looked ashamed, bowed deeply to his son and said, "Dad is incompetent. I'm sorry."

there are always some people who blame their parents for their bad life and blame them for not creating better conditions for themselves.

it never occurred to him that they might not have a good family or good connections, but they had done their best to give him everything he could.

Yang Zhanyu said in the record of time: "kinship may be the purest feelings in the world. In addition to love and care, there should also be gratitude."

the grace of birth is greater than that of heaven.

putting aside the harsh criteria for parents and learning to be grateful and considerate is the most basic upbringing for children.

some time ago, Pang Zhongwang, the top science student in Cangzhou, brushed his screen on the Internet in 2017. he scored 744 in that year, and the president of Tsinghua University visited him personally.

but when the party arrived at Pang Zhongwang's house, they were dumbfounded by the scene:

waste cardboard and bottles and cans are stacked all over the yard, and there is not even a table but two beds in the small, cramped room.

seeing this, headmaster Qiu Yong felt a twinge of sorrow in his heart.

but Pang Zhongwang has never had a complaint:

"I don't think there's anything in my family that can't be taken out.

my mother is so good, my grandpa is so good, and every one of my relatives is so good that I don't feel ashamed of them.

he knew that everything he had could not be separated from his parents' lifts, so he was grateful and lived a humble or arrogant life.

as Zhang Jiawei said:

"your parents brought you up, no illness, no disaster, no genetic disease, sacrificing your quality of life to satisfy you, and nothing left behind to affect you. It's beautiful enough to deserve your gratitude."

they cut back on food and clothing to support you to grow up, and they work hard for you. If you can't be grateful, at least learn to understand.

A person's true maturity is not an enemy of his parents' mediocrity, but a reconciliation with their imperfections.

Don't blame your partner

there is a question on Zhihu: when do you feel aggrieved?

there is a highly liked answer:

"I was not bullied by outsiders when I was young, nor reprimanded by my boss when I grew up.

but I made a mistake. I blamed myself for being sad. People close to me were not only not relieved, but also kept blaming. "

No matter how many times I revisit the Pilgrimage alone, I will regret the relationship between Harold and Maureen that exists in name only.

the two were supposed to respect each other, but they had a cold war for more than 20 years because of an accident.

the suicide of son David hit the two deeply, and husband Harold fell into deep remorse:

"if only I had paid more attention to David, I would have known earlier that he was suffering from depression."

"if only I had held him in my arms the day I learned that he was addicted to alcohol and drugs."

but when Harold was most upset, his wife Maureen blamed Harold for her son's death.

said he was not a good father and had never cared for David.

for Harold, who lost his son in middle age, this is tantamount to making things worse.

Maureen then moved into David's room and talked to herself all day long to the black-and-white picture of David.

two people become the most familiar strangers, and there is an insurmountable gulf between them.

there is a Festinger rule in psychology: 10% of life is made up of what happens to you, while the other 90% depends on how you react.

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most of the time, it is not something that destroys a marriage, but your attitude towards it.

putting all the blame on each other will only stimulate conflicts between husband and wife and push the partner further and further away.

the happiest marriage is to hold a pair of warm hands and move forward steadily.

some people say that Luo Yonghao is stupid. He is overly idealistic, paranoid and crazy, and it is a proper "underworld lamp" for him to do whatever he does.

but he thinks his wife is more stupid.

at first he worked in New Oriental. At that time, his annual salary of 300000 was enough to be included in the bestseller of successful studies, but he chose to resign and start a business with an annual salary of 500000.His wife did not complain about it.

kept messing around, leaving him in debt of 600 million. At one point, he collapsed and wanted to commit suicide, but his wife signed a huge debt guarantee for him without saying a word.

he snuggled up to each other in mediocrity and helped each other in the wind and rain. later, with the support of his wife, he shuttled from one broadcast room to another to pay off the debt and the beauty of their lives.

Marriage is a practice of two people.

you are blamed for ten thousand words when you encounter a problem, so I might as well accompany you.

the so-called husband and wife are of one mind, but one is understanding, one is magnanimous, one does not complain, and the other does not blame.

irresponsible children

Ikea in the United Arab Emirates once did an experiment.

the experimenters put two pots of plants in the same school with a cover, watering the same water, applying the same fertilizer, and basking in the same sun.

it's just that the two plants will be treated differently:

one plant receives praise every day, while another plant hears insulting language every day.

after the 30-day experiment, the plant bathed in love and encouragement still thrives.

but the plant that is attacked by verbal violence is withered and yellow.

in fact, the child is like the plant, endless criticism and criticism will turn into a sharp blade, stab the child's heart, leaving a bloody hole.

when Zhang ailing recalls her mother, an angry face always comes to her mind.

once, when a guest came to the house, Zhang ailing found that a chair was missing. When she was young, she struggled to bring a chair, but her mother shouted in front of all the guests, "what are you doing?" Pig! "

Zhang ailing has a severe typhoid fever. Her mother asked a French doctor to treat her. She took care of her daughter's daily diet and daily life. When she was upset, she would complain:

"you are a pest! It's just a drag on others. I really shouldn't care about you. "

Mother's knife mouth pushed Zhang ailing farther and farther away.

when her mother was seriously ill in London in her later years, she only remitted some money and written materials when she hoped that Zhang ailing could visit her.

Jimmy said, "A child would rather be stabbed by a cactus than hear adults ridicule him."

the wound on the body can heal, but the wound on the heart, how to repair?

parents' words and deeds can close a door or open a window for a child.

I agree with the sentence: "

every child is dancing on the tip of his parents' tongue.

"

parents who speak harshly, it is difficult to sow the seeds of sunshine in their children's hearts; families as warm as spring breeze, it is also very difficult to raise children with inferiority complex and cowardice.

friendly and friendly family atmosphere is the best gift for parents to give their children.

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someone once said to Yang Jiang, "one of you husband and wife is a scholar and the other is a writer, which is a great achievement."

Yang Jiang replied faintly, "the writer is not a great achievement. My greatest achievement is that I have a good family."

families live in harmony and live in peace and happiness, which is the greatest happiness in one's life.

, share with your friends.