duhaoshu

there is a famous saying in "the combination of maxims", which is quite touching every time I read it:

"the most important thing for self-cultivation is to clear one's mind, and to be cautious in dealing with the world."

on the long road of life, to be able to talk is wise, and to shut up is self-cultivation.

Don't talk too much, especially when others say these three things!

when others complain about their parents

there is a hot topic on Zhihu: my friend's original family is very bad, always complaining to me, how should I respond?

the most popular answer was only one sentence, but I was particularly impressed:

"listen, listen, listen again, don't complain along with the other person, and don't talk too much to the other person's mood."

because you never know how complicated housework and deep kinship are hidden behind other people's original families.

what's more, for everyone, their parents are the closest ones, and they can complain thousands of times, but they don't like others to say a bad word.

not long ago, my cousin confided to me that I felt very uncomfortable when I was blocked by my friends who had been with me for many years.

I asked her what happened.

she told me that she felt that she should not interfere in other people's affairs, which hurt her feelings and was hated by others.

"I have known her for many years and know that her parents have always been partial to her brother and are not good to her."

"in the past, whenever she complained to me about her parents, I always advised her to think as much as possible. Two days ago, she was aggrieved again at home and called me to complain. I was so angry that I followed her mood and made a few accusations. "

"it was nothing at that time, but afterwards she thought I was biased against her parents, saying that as an outsider, I was not qualified to tell the parents who gave birth to her and raised her, and then blocked me. Do you say, is this my fault?"

I thought about it, and half joked and half seriously told her: "Children ask right or wrong, adults will only keep their mouth shut and be cautious in their words and deeds."

Mr. Lin Yutang once said:

"speak skillfully, speak little; if you speak too much, you will lose; if you speak too much, you will lose."

I have seen too many people, and others complain that their parents ta go along with each other. They clearly comply with each other's wishes, but finally lose their friendship.

I have also seen too many people who like to interrupt the conflicts between other people and their parents. As a result, they are not flattered at both ends and are not people inside and outside.

and really high-level people never talk too much when others complain about their parents.

because they know very well that if someone complains about their parents, they will talk too much, even if ta will not blame them at that time, there will be bad feelings afterwards.

when others complain about their partner

there is a sentence in Douban that is particularly incisive:

"No matter how good the relationship is, it can't be better than the relationship between the couple.

after all, every family has its own difficulties, and only the parties themselves can figure it out.

when I read the best friend's guide before, there was a story in the book that touched me deeply.

when Li Meng and her husband first got married, they always fell in love with each other.

but with the passage of time, the two often quarreled and quarreled and began a long tearing and running-in.

every time after a dispute with her husband, Li Meng always goes to his friends to cry and complain about his husband's mistakes.

but unlike other people's protection or even anger, good friends always listen quietly and say nothing.

once, Li Meng came to her friend to complain about how lazy her husband was. As a result, her friend remained silent. She was angry and asked her friend:

"are you my good friend or not? why are you indifferent to my marriage?"

her friend paused and said faintly:

"you complain to me for emotional catharsis, not for me to deepen the conflict between your husband and wife.

as long as there is no question of principle, I will not tell you what to do about your marriage, let alone judge your husband according to your emotions. "

likes a sentence very much:

"Don't talk nonsense when others complain about their unhappy marriage, and don't talk too much when they complain about their partner."

in life, never talk too much when others complain about your partner, you know--

conflicts are always inevitable in marriage, and a few complaints are even more common between husband and wife.

but quarreling at the end of the bed and at the end of the bed, if you say bad things about your partner when others complain about your partner, chances are that you are still indignant and that others have made up.

after all, to others, you are only an outsider, and your partner is family.

when others criticize children

there are words in the Book of songs:

"Father gives birth to me, mother bows me. Caress me, grow me, nurture me, take care of me, go in and out of my belly. "

every child is the meat that falls from the parents, and there are almost no parents in the world who do not love their children.

the depth of love and responsibility, sometimes the child is naughty and capricious, a few words of criticism from parents is essentially an expression of love.

but if you jump out and scold and scold at this time, the other person will only think you are nosy.

netizens

@ Nannan

once shared such an experience.

once, the Nannan family are going to visit Disneyland. They have always had a good relationship.The neighbor suggested that the two families go together.

as a result, on the morning of entering the garden, the neighbor's children were dragging their feet, and by the time they arrived, the line had already been dozens of meters away.

it was not easy to get in line, and instead of following the strategy he had done before, he had to play another project that had been queued for a long time.

when the play project begins, he is also disobedient, eating and drinking for a while, and making a lot of noise.

in the middle of playing, the neighbor couldn't stand it and criticized his child, saying, "it's not easy to come out to play, and you don't know anything at all!"

hearing what the neighbor said, Nannan's father also said, "Children should be obedient!"

unexpectedly, the remark made the child cry.

the neighbor hurriedly hugged his child, then took a white look at Nannan's father and said in a cold voice, "my own children take care of themselves, so you don't have to talk too much!"

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in this way, the two families broke up in discord, and even when they came back from Disney, they no longer had their former intimacy.

recalling this experience, Nannan said:

"A child who is naughty and mischievous again is the treasure of his parents. As an outsider, my father really shouldn't say anything more."

over the years, the older you get, the more you agree with one sentence:

"in the eyes of parents, children are everything. You can criticize and reprimand yourself, but others are not qualified to criticize and blame. "

Yes, it's nosy, it's not.

No matter how good the relationship is, don't talk too much when others criticize your children.

you should know that no matter how bad other people's children are, they are also their own flesh and blood, and it is not their turn for outsiders to give a lesson.

likes a sentence very much: "in the adult world, it is better to be speechless than to talk too much."

people, always remember not to "talk too much" when others say these three things:

when others complain about their parents, don't go along with each other's wishes in order to keep their friendship.

when others complain about their partner, don't follow their emotions in order to keep your dignity.

when others criticize a child, don't sing along with ta. It is the most rare accomplishment for an adult.

the sea of life, when you can be silent, try not to talk too much.

May you keep your mouth shut and be careful in the crowd for the rest of your life.

May you keep your mouth shut and live your life in the depths of the noisy world.