The world is your own and has nothing to do with others.
have you ever had this experience?
when I post on WeChat moments, I feel very depressed because I haven't been able to get likes and comments from others for a long time.
or when talking to others, they may have self-doubt because of an unintentional remark from others.
if there is, it means you are caught in "social friction".
according to the best-selling book shyness and Social anxiety, 40-60% of the world's people have varying degrees of social anxiety.
if you avoid socializing for a long time because of anxiety, a person will become more and more self-abased, irritable, and even pass on emotional stress to the next generation.
in this era of frequent interaction, the best way to save your life is to refuse social friction.
how many people lost to social internal friction
writer Mo Chuan once told such a story:
my friend Xiaorou always feels very anxious because she can't fit into everyone's chat.
for example, she is embarrassed when her speech is not answered;
or, when her idea is opposed, she wonders if she is "targeted".
because there are many inner plays, Xiaorou is more and more afraid of socializing. She always feels that others are more powerful than her, so she doesn't dare to look directly into each other's eyes.
however, the more worried she is about being wrong, the more she binds her hands and feet; the more she flinches, the more likely she is to be ignored.
in the long run, even if others are friendly to her, she will think, "ta is satirizing me, right?" "ta may have said something against his will."
Mo Chuan said:
"people with social anxiety, on the one hand, have a serious tendency of self-doubt and self-loathing, and do not believe that they will be liked and accepted by others;
on the other hand, they do not trust others and do not believe that others are close to them out of goodwill and appreciation. "
however, is the outside world really what they think it is?
in fact, most people don't deliberately isolate or hate someone, and they don't even notice the inner world of social attrition.
what you think of as being left out in the cold may be a temporary negligence of others, or what you think is intentional targeting, or it may just be that others are quick-mouthed for a while.
Matsuura Mitaro said well:
"the so-called predicament in life is nothing but the shackles of your imagination and self-setting."
if you are too sensitive to the actions of others, you will only trap yourself in unnecessary internal friction and take a more and more negative view of the world.
the nature of social internal friction
care too much about other people's opinions
emotional writer Zhang Defen once talked about his own experience:
when there was something wrong with her marriage, she once worried that her readers would cast a different eye.
for this reason, she has been secretive and dared not make the matter public.
once, she went to a teacher's class, which asked her to pair up with a reader about her marital status.
Zhang Defen can only tell the reader the truth with great embarrassment.
after the story, Zhang Defen was perturbed and kept thinking:
will she be disappointed in me? Will you judge me? Will you look down on me? Will you tell anyone about it?
however, the reader was just stupefied for a moment, and then asked:
"then, will you continue to write the book?"
this answer was far beyond Zhang Defen's expectation, and it was only then that she realized that readers liked her books and did not care so much about their private life as she imagined.
Mo Yan said in Frog:
"Don't think that everyone in the world cares about you.
some people, the more they care, the more disappointed and anxious they become.
the more you struggle with some things, the more you will trap yourself.
the world is your own and has nothing to do with others.
learn to be emotionally separated so that you don't get caught up in internal friction and gradually lose yourself.
how to get rid of social friction?
the famous psychologist Adler once said:
"all people's troubles come from interpersonal relationships."
those who play too much in their hearts are doomed to live harder than others.
only when things are calm, can we get rid of the inner burden.
so, how to get rid of social internal friction?
give you three suggestions:
how to overcome Social anxiety says:
"We are always worried about our shortcomings and completely forget the great talent we have.
when you regain your confidence, you don't have to win other people's confidence in you. "
self-confidence is the source of inner strength.
in normal life, you can give yourself more positive hints and don't doubt your ability easily.
When in our elegant collection of vintage style wedding dresses, be assured of an amazing look in each function. Once you make up your choice, relax, we will take care of everything.
everyone has a bright spot, and only by believing in your own value can you be more comfortable socializing.
lower expectations of others
A lot of troubles in life are caused by high expectations of others.
however, if expectations are too high, it is inevitable to be disappointed.
instead of giving the keys to your emotions to others, focus more on yourself.
as Yu Hua said:
"Life belongs to everyone's own feelings, not to the opinions of anyone else."
the neglect of others will not destroy the foundation of your life;
the satisfaction of others will not bring you constructive help.
Life doesn't need too many participants. It's enough to live well with yourself.
take a long-term view
particularly agree with what Dong Yuhui said:
"if a young man only cares about things within 3 meters of himself, gives up at the slightest setback, gets discouraged at the slightest blow, sees a little misunderstanding and humiliation, and then indulges in his own world all day, where is his future?"
he who lives too much of himself cannot see the wide world.
those who indulge in the past cannot reach the ideal distance.
anyone with a big mind knows that the discord with others in a long life is like a speck of dust, and it is not worth staying too much.
instead of spending time in emotion, focus on action.
when a person learns endogenous strength and focuses on self-development, he can get rid of his narrow vision and open up a new life.
likes the sentence of "People's Daily" very much:
with less internal friction, life will be more possible.
A person's energy is limited, and if he cares too much about the views of the outside world, it will only waste his inner energy.
pay more attention to your own growth in order to become strong step by step.
the antidote to life lies not in others, but in yourself.
the most sober way for adults to live is to get rid of the expectations of others and live a good life at their own pace.
May we all get rid of social friction and devote more energy to more valuable things for the rest of our lives.
I believe that after balancing our mindset and taking positive actions, we will eventually run into the best of ourselves.