Some words, you can honestly tell your children, some things, please be rotten in the stomach.
there is no right or wrong in family affairs, only discord.
Harmony is the best feng shui for a family.
in this journey away from our children, as parents, if they can't share the pressure for their children, then don't put a jam on their children.
for the sake of the happiness of the children and the harmony of the family, these three things would rather rot in the stomach than say to the children.
if you say that you are not flattered, you will complain and breed a lot of unnecessary disasters.
but criticize the children for being right or wrong
as the old saying goes, "if a man is not a sage, he can make mistakes; if he can change his mistakes, there is no greater good."
educationist Montessori once said: "every character defect is caused by the misfortune of childhood."
the cause of childhood misfortune is often that parents are too hard on their children.
the most taboo thing about being a parent is to be too hard on your children and always tell the difference between right and wrong.
not long ago, I saw a video:
A man who has been missing for many years, after seeing his father with gray temples, simply hugged without any mood swings, which puzzled the spectators.
some netizens left messages that the man was too indifferent.
there are also some netizens who feel that after all, they haven't seen each other for many years. Although they disappeared in their teens, their feelings have faded a lot.
it was not until the man's father was clarified in an interview that he knew why the man did this to him.
it turned out that Lao Chen lost his wife in his early years, and he himself was very strong. after his wife died of illness, he became both a father and a mother, and was very strict with his son.
my son is actually quite obedient and good at school, but he is too naughty and mischievous.
I often fight with other classmates at school.
Lao Chen never asks why, takes off his belt and often breaks his son's skin.
at first, my son cried, but later, no matter how hard he hit, he was indifferent, and his studies plummeted.
later, he got mixed up with some thugs in society. Lao Chen fought once, and his son often disappeared.
once he came back with a limp, and Lao Chen beat him first without saying a word.
later, it was almost twenty years after I saw my son again.
his son was crippled for life, and Lao Chen felt guilty for most of his life.
whenever I think of this, I can't help but burst into tears.
it is said that a dutiful son comes out under the stick, but it may also destroy the children.
psychologist Zeng Qifeng wrote in his book:
unconditional love is that I love you not because of who you are, but because of who you have.
utilitarian love is that I love you only if you can play the piano, or I love you only if you make a lot of achievements in society.
unconditional love, not utilitarian love.
and too harsh, only to see right or wrong, virtually inclined to utilitarian love, which is very unfair to the children.
do not repeatedly mention grudges with others
Don't mention the feud between relatives and friends to your children over and over again.
the grievances that cannot be resolved in life are often intensified because they are entangled with each other, so that generations of people are bound to love them, and in the end they do not communicate with each other.
as the saying goes, it is better for an enemy to solve than to tie the knot.
the contradictions and disputes of the older generation must not involve their children.
@ hurried students
shared a story:
two big sheets, the two are brothers.
Dazhang was eight years older and could not go to school, but he was willing to bear hardships and worked as a carpenter and bricklayer. Later, he contracted land to grow medicinal materials and made a lot of money.
with the support of his parents, he bought an open space next to the old house.
Dazhang built a new house. Later, he married and had children, contracted land to grow more and more medicinal materials, and his family became more affluent.
two Zhang are gluttonous and lazy, and like to cheat and play tricks.
later, when two Zhang renovated the old house and were ready to get married, in order to save money, one wall used the help of the eldest brother's family.
Dazhang's wife complains a lot, but she can't argue too much. She can only put up with it, but she can't stop talking.
two Zhang's wives are not a fuel-saving lamp. after their illness, they always want to drive them to the big Zhang family, thinking that they are all sons, so why should they live on their side?
, the two families were very unhappy because of the matter of providing pension for two parents.
after the death of the two elders, they fought fiercely because of the land inheritance of the elderly.
under the influence of their parents, the sons and daughters were tit for tat in a sacrifice to their ancestors and killed one person by mistake.
it is said that blood is thicker than water, but it is no match for the accumulation of contradictions in reality.
the situation of two big Zhang families is not uncommon.
how many tragedies continue from the parents to the next generation, the result is a tragic lose-lose.
it can be said that it takes a step back and further destroys the family.
German writer Hesse said:
"some people think that persistence makes us stronger, but sometimes it is to let go."
I think so.
Please do not mention the grudges and contradictions of the older generation repeatedly in front of your children. Not to involve your children in this endless dispute is a kind of wisdom, but also a kind of open-minded.
Life is only a few decades, too many people in order to fight for breath, red in the face and red in the face, fighting against all sides of the family.
do not alienate the relationship between children and husband and wife
I have seen a question: how important is it for a mother-in-law to quit in marriage?
one respondent shared his own experience:
is very important.
the end result is divorced.
the Lord and her husband fell in love freely, and the mother-in-law did not like the daughter-in-law and felt that there was discord in the aura.
but because my son liked it, he reluctantly accepted it.
however, during the period of answering the Lord's month, he never paid any attention.
I feel that my son works alone to earn money, raise children, and his wife is relatively hard, so he will often take his son out to eat delicious food.
go shopping with your son, give him money and let him accompany her on weekends.
the interviewee felt that he had discussed this issue with her husband, just like a third party.
but her husband disagrees.
my mother-in-law was aggrieved, feeling that after her son got married, she felt like a different person, with less company for her, and her daughter-in-law was a right or wrong person, and she put on airs after giving birth to children, and so on.
when the Lord quarreled with her mother-in-law, her husband always occupied her mother's side and felt that no matter whether his mother was right or not, it was for their own good and should give way.
in the end, the main reply couldn't stand it and asked for a divorce and took the child away.
under the banner of being good for their children, too many parents are virtually doing things to alienate their children's relationship between husband and wife.
Children are not an accessory to anyone, not to mention the differences in the living habits of the two generations.
Wu Zhihong once said: "apart from the baby and the mother, it is often unhealthy for two people who can survive independently to form a 'symbiotic relationship'."
as a parent, don't tell your children what to do about their marriage.
as a parent, don't lose your sense of boundaries and get involved in your children's marriage.
A good family relationship is not aggressive, complaining or unprincipled intervention, but
"do not criticize your children too much for their rights and mistakes, understand and tolerate, no one is perfect, and accept imperfections;
do not repeatedly mention grudges with others, learn to let go, get rid of hatred, and live in happiness;
do not alienate the relationship between children and husband, know how to quit, love has a yardstick, love also has a boundary. "
there are some words, you can honestly tell your children, some things, please be rotten in your stomach.