Your life is always in your own hands.
his character has been out of tune with the people around him since he was a child.
when other children chase and play, he is thinking about life quietly.
as an adult, he also tried to attend various parties, but he found that people always talked about their preferences without discussing any in-depth views.
so he no longer longed to integrate into others, but spent more time on thinking and self-improvement, precipitated for several years, and finally won respect and applause.
there are also many people like Dong Yuhui in life who do not mix in circles and do not attend parties.
but use your precious energy to deal with life and manage yourself with your heart.
they automatically filter the complexity of life, their hearts are not shallow, their minds do not follow blindly, and they live a maverick, free and sober life in the world.
I was impressed by two stories recently.
the first one comes from Zhihu netizens
@ Flying Eagle Zhang Xiansen
he said that he once organized a 10th anniversary high school reunion, which was originally attended by 25 students with 40 students in the class.
he dragged the 25 people into a group and said that the party would be AA.
when old classmates meet, of course they have to drink. Beer is included in the original 3688 set meal, but as the atmosphere gradually heats up, several students yell that drinking beer is not good enough to go to Maotai!
more than 20 people pushed their cups and all blushed. In five hours, they drank four bottles of Maotai and four bottles of dry red wine worth 999.
as a result, the meal cost 19688 yuan, or 787 yuan per capita.
everyone quarreled in the group. Some people said that there were only five female students, which should be waived, while others said they didn't drink much at all, so why did they pay so much?
finally, in the original group of 25 people, only one netizen was left alone.
in the private message, some people transferred the account for him, while others did not.
the originally lively classmate reunion finally became like a joke.
the second story comes from a reader of the writer Lian Yue.
readers complain to him that his husband is always fond of all kinds of games and parties.
my husband doesn't get home until two or three o'clock in the morning every day. She has a busy day and has to deal with an alcoholic who can't speak clearly.
she also advised her husband many times, but she was often rejected by the sentence "what do you know, I'm pulling a relationship?"
several years have passed, my husband's position is still the same, except for a big belly and fatty liver grown from drinking, nothing has been achieved.
writer Zhou Guoping once wrote in his book: "the domination of the social field is definitely not friendship, but interests or boredom."
those who want to connect with each other at a party fall out faster than anyone else at the end of the party.
people who want to find connections in dinner and wine are often the last people they want to get to know.
A meaningless wine bureau will bring you nothing but emptiness after excitement and frustration after effort.
many years ago, the Swordsman, which is full of philosophy in laughter and scolding, brought us countless feelings and laughter.
later, the Swordsman raised the film version.
when we get together again after four years, the situation of the people in the play has long been very different.
"Shop Tong" Yan Ni and "Guo Furong" Yao Chen performed numerous plays and won various awards.
"Bai Zhantang" Sha Yi became the host and took part in various variety shows.
only Ni Hongjie, who plays "wish unparalleled", has remained unknown for many years.
she had expected that after each shoot, everyone would still be able to talk about the current situation and talk about their plans for life, as before.
but until the end of the movie, several people didn't even see each other a few times.
"they are all busy people, and it's normal that they can't get together." even so, Ni Hongjie still feels extremely lost.
it turns out that over the years, the former friendship has long gone with the wind, and she is no longer in the circle of these people.
about the party, I once saw a very poignant comment:
"people who have been estranged will not become friendly again because of a party, and you can't squeeze in even if you have different levels of circles.
the remaining meaning of the party is to huddle together to keep warm in a mediocre and boring life. "
when you are young, you always feel comfortable in life, but when you get older, you realize that the relationship between adults is a big wave.
sift out the weak, leave behind the slow, and then leave a group of people of equal wisdom to drink and enjoy themselves.
so, when no one is interested, don't bother to organize dinners, make connections, and fantasize about others.
you just need to work hard to make yourself strong enough.
when you become valuable, everything you want will follow.
in the TV series "the Great River", Song Yunhui's family condition is not good, so he can only find an ordinary job after graduating from junior high school.
later, with his own efforts, he was admitted to Anyun University with the first result in the county.
at that time, roommate Yu Shanqing said this to everyone:
"among you, I am not afraid of anyone but Xiao Song, because he has no entertainment or hobbies at all, except reading every day."
NoHowever, after graduating, Song Yunhui and Yu Shanqing entered the best Jinzhou chemical plant, and because he was down-to-earth and willing to study, he soon became the youngest department head.
loners tend to have clear goals and strong self-control.
architect Wang Shu got a steady stream of inspiration from his lonely and lonely life, and finally won the Pritzker Prize, the highest honor in the world architecture industry.
Jobs was unsociable all his life, but in minimalism, he took the product to the extreme and built his own business empire.
the people who are really good are often those who don't walk into the crowd.
when you endure dullness and boredom, you can meet the glimmer of light in the distance.
Dong Yuhui specially mentioned one of his friends in the live broadcast.
there is a feeling of sympathy between the two people.
one summer, Dong Yuhui stayed with this friend for two months and bought a roast chicken downstairs from his friend's house every night and sat by the moat.
the night breeze was blowing, and the two were chatting aimlessly while eating.
Dong Yuhui said that when he was growing up, he would feel lonely all the time, but the comfort brought by this friend made him remember it for a long time.
others will think that he is pretentious and baffling, but this friend will not.
he read between the lines and between the lines.
so Dong Yuhui said, there are not many friends, so be with those who understand you.
have seen such a picture.
our interpersonal relationships are divided into five categories from top to bottom:
bosom friend, general friend, acquaintance, acquaintance, stranger.
many people pass us by every day, but the real bosom friends are few.
people who live a thorough life are only willing to make deep acquaintances with a small number of people of the same frequency.
as Qian Zhongshu said, "there is no need to find unscrupulous people to say something irrelevant."
leaving warmth to worthy people and being with those who get along with them is the wisest way to live the rest of your life.
MIT has a famous motto:
"in this place, you can only do two things: sleep, credit and socializing."
the smarter people are, the more they know how to leave limited time to important people and things.
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maturity means not being keen to talk at parties and not indulging in false appearances.
clean up the circle and stay away from flashy and noisy, so that you can live a comfortable life.
, share with your friends.