Behind every emotion, there is a true self.
some time ago, the story of "second Uncle" was scanned on the Internet, and many people said that they had cured their mental internal friction.
the sufferings encountered in the second uncle's life can crush the modern people, but the second uncle blossoms the most beautiful flowers in his barren life, which is admirable and admirable.
and modern people, life is richer than any other era, but mental illness is more common than ever.
in fact, entanglement and calmness are completely between thoughts, and the key lies in the change of mindset.
when the mindset changes, everything goes well.
some people say that I miss the old days very much, when everyone was happy from the bottom of his heart, although he was not rich in material things.
the reason why we think that happiness was higher at that time is mostly because it was an era of equal distribution.
if everyone is the same, there will be no gap; if everyone is the same, there will be no comparison.
now people are very anxious, college classmates have been married, relatives' children have bought a house, colleagues in the company have been promoted, and they seem to have nothing.
once you enter the mentality of keeping up with the comparison, the success of others will become the source of your pain, causing unlimited annoyance and anxiety.
Maupassant said: "people will be much happier if they can stick to what they think, don't compare, don't blindly follow, don't be influenced by others, and concentrate on living their own life."
to know that everyone has different origins, talents, abilities, and karma, such a comparison simply adds to the annoyance and is meaningless.
only when you stop keeping up with the comparison can you put away the clouds in front of your eyes and spend your time finding the meaning of life and realizing your own value.
stop caring about other people's opinions
is there such a person around you?
they like to show their lives, luxurious houses, expensive luxury goods, exquisite life, and even some people would rather be in debt than live for others.
other people's unimportant opinions will cause their own changes.
in the eyes of others, they gradually lose themselves, but they are exhausted in order to become what they think they are.
of course, there are people who passively accept the wishes of those around them.
for example, when they go to school, they go to the university that their parents expect; after work, they look for the job that people around them look forward to; when they get married, they choose a lover whose parents nod.
they go against their hearts and listen to the voices of the outside world in order to live the way others expect them to be, not the life they want.
paying too much attention to the opinions of others is actually disrespect for yourself.
this state of mind will make us physically and mentally exhausted in the eyes of others, but also miserable in the expectations of others.
once saw a sentence that made sense:
"the life of performing for others is empty; living for yourself is living."
when a person realizes that the world is his own and has nothing to do with others, we will understand that people actually have only one purpose in life, that is, to abandon anyone's vision and live the life they really want.
stop feeling guilty
I don't know if you have such a time:
it is clear that the work is not your own fault, but put all the problems on yourself?
is it clear that the breakup is not your own reason, but you always blame yourself for not being good enough?
if I had been more careful, there would have been no problem. If I had been more gentle, he would not have left me.
No matter what happens, they will habitually regret, feel guilty, blame, and even attack themselves. In this negative mood, people also become depressed and have serious internal friction.
habitual self-blame is actually a kind of self-attack.
We blame ourselves for not being good enough, lacking strength, not having enough energy. If we were strong enough, everything might be different.
some things will happen even if you are more careful, and some people will leave no matter how good you are.
there is no need to punish yourself with other people's mistakes, let alone torture yourself with process errors.
only by seeing this clearly can we face the problem with the right state of mind and make changes.
I have a friend around me who is a perfectionist.
how strict is his requirement?
it's completely speechless: when you figure it out.
under the requirements of perfectionism, he did not have an easy life.
he often sets himself a very high goal to do his best, and when this cannot be achieved, he will doubt himself and regard it as a failure and shame.
under unrealistically high standards, his emotional internal friction is extremely serious.
as a normal person, failure is in fact a perfectly normal thing. If you fail to sum up your experience, everyone is moving towards a better self step by step.
when a person demands himself with perfectionism, if he is not perfect, it is rubbish and there is no middle ground for himself at all.
blaming yourself in this way is futile except to hurt yourself.
the first step in getting rid of the high standards of perfectionism is to know yourself clearly.
recognize your abilities, recognize yourselfAllow and accept your own unsuccess, so as to liberate yourself from perfectionism.
stop negative energy
how scary are people with negative energy?
there is a kind of person who, no matter what happens, thinks in a bad direction and falls into his own bad mood.
once met a friend who was full of negative energy.
the whole person looks frustrated. When chatting, she keeps telling what happened to her, how bad her colleagues were, how stupid her boss was, and how the company was stingy. In short, everyone was very bad in her eyes.
back home, she was also very upset to look at her husband. She felt that her husband was not self-motivated, and her children often caused trouble at school. She felt that nothing went well with her.
she could not extricate herself from the thought of "victim" and felt that everyone made her miserable.
but really let her resign, she has many reasons, do not want to change the environment, do not want to change themselves, can only be full of negative energy, and pass on this emotion to the people she meets.
later, she met a psychiatrist who asked her to write down the advantages of her husband, son, colleague and leader.
at first she was very resistant, and when she thought of them, she became very excited. Later, she calmed down and found that she could also find advantages in them.
when she went back and no longer looked sad, her son praised "Mom is so beautiful today."
after changing her mindset, she found that life was so good to maintain a positive mood.
there is an interesting group on Douban called "We are all procrastinators".
because the members of the group are all patients with severe procrastination, they agreed to get rid of procrastination together, so this group was set up.
so far, the number of members of the group has exceeded 225000, which shows that there are many patients with procrastination.
procrastination is more or less the same, for example:
the paper is due in a week, and it hasn't started yet.
the deadline for work was approaching, so we finally began to act in a hurry.
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the result is that work is always prone to mistakes.
in fact, the habit of procrastination is not much pleasure, but feel extremely anxious because the deadline is coming day by day.
procrastination ends up in a vicious circle: the more you don't want to do it, the more you procrastinate, the more anxious you get, and the more anxious you put off until the last minute.
the final result is always far from satisfactory.
the easiest way to stop procrastinating is to stop worrying and do it immediately.
Action is the best way to free people from emotional interference, and people's emotions will be released in the process of action.
it doesn't matter what the final result is.
if you succeed, you deserve it; if you fail, you have no regrets after trying.
but if it is procrastination, you have to bear not only the anxiety in the early stage, but also the remorse of failure in the end.
the energy is wasted in the emotional whirlpool, and the effect of doing things is naturally greatly reduced.
stop emptiness and find meaning
there is a question on Zhihu: what kind of life is the most painful?
there is an answer that is deeply rooted in the hearts of the people: empty and boring, unable to find a goal in life.
people who have nothing to do all day either waste their time on low-level pleasures, or they are obsessed with thoughts, bothering themselves and worrying about themselves.
the result of indulgence is to hurt the body, and the result of mental waste is depression.
an empty life kills one's will, and a full life is full of meaning.
once there was a Zen master named Dazhi, who traveled abroad for 20 years and finally decided to return to his original temple.
when he entered the door, his disciple did not know him anymore.
the reason is that twenty years later, he has not changed his appearance and is full of vitality as he did before his departure.
the disciple was very puzzled and asked the teacher's father, "how have you spent the past 20 years?" Why don't you grow old? "
Master smiled and explained the doubts for this little disciple:
"in the past 20 years, I have lived a full life. I give lectures, speak and write every day, which is as happy as you study abroad. They are full of energy and never quit their thinking. "
the ultimate goal of life is meaningless, but it is countless small goals that connect our lives.
it is not a waste of life to find the meaning of living every day and to live to the fullest.
born human beings, we can not avoid the attack of emotional internal friction.
emotional internal friction is not terrible, the terrible thing is that we can not defeat it, let it capture, indulge in it, unable to extricate ourselves.
every emotional problem is an opportunity for us to get to know ourselves. Behind every emotion, there is a true self.
once we find the cause of emotion, we can find the antidote to emotion.
Don't run away, let alone be afraid. We have to face it squarely and accept it before we can really shake hands and make peace with it.
this is the most fundamental way to stop internal friction.
, may you stop your emotional internal friction, take control of your life, and have a comfortable life.